Dumb Ways We Almost Died: I Survived a Flying Cow and Other Insane True Stories
All stories this week: totaling a car, black eyes, falling out of a tree, and getting between a cow and her calf... life is worth living! ...If you can last long enough.
(Life lessons at the end)
Dominic and Gabe sit down to talk near-death experiences, and what starts off as a casual conversation quickly spirals into an hour of absurdity, vulnerability, and pure storytelling gold.
It opens with the echo of that viral jingle, "Dumb Ways to Die," and immediately the theme is set. Gabe shares his harrowing memory of driving home in a blizzard, misjudging the hill, and spinning his Jeep into a pole so hard the stereo turned to face him. The whole experience, from his slick dress shoes to a bent phone and a near-reckless-driving citation, ends in humiliation and a laugh.
Dominic nods along, then jumps in with a string of stories. Each one more ridiculous than the last. There’s the time he took a fencing foil to the eye because he refused to wear the mask. Or the time he did the one thing you're not supposed to with a box cutter and ended up fainting. Or how he (almost?) got smote by God for stealing altar wine after mass—only to be forgotten at church and saved by the priest. A classic domino of divine irony.
Gabe matches the energy with his own greatest hits: falling 30 feet out of a tree, blacking out in a bike crash after his handlebars snapped off mid-hill, and almost losing finger skin to a landscaping vacuum because he insisted on wearing his wedding ring. Even his job introduction ended with a misunderstanding and chain-smoking coworkers thinking he said, "Hi, I'm gay."
One of the most cinematic moments comes when Dominic recounts being on a Tennessee farm with his wife's granddad. They try to load a calf into a trailer. When the baby cries out, its mother—a massive cow—launches herself over the trailer gate in a scene straight out of Jurassic Park. Dominic is crouching near the gate, seconds from being crushed. He escapes, barely. Granddad's only comment? "I ain't never seen you move so fast, son."
Their conversation shifts from physical near-death to creative paralysis. Both reflect on how memory, accidents, and personal mythology shape their writing. Dominic admits he often starts stories with a grand idea but gets hijacked by the characters' deeper emotional arcs. Gabe shares that his writing started with a single scene and grew from there, changing settings until it found its voice in a mythical landscape. They joke about world-building, pacing, and how high fantasy can sometimes be a chore to read.
Dominic breaks down how he writes as if it's a movie. He sticks to a character's POV strictly, never revealing more than they know. It keeps the story honest and limits exposition. Gabe agrees and adds how he uses time and scene flow to pace his storytelling. They both love when stories are discoverable—not dumped on the reader, but layered through character reaction and environment.
They wrap up with a look at the strange corners of the internet. Gabe finds a video about Japanese dirt polishing. Dominic is skeptical until he sees the metaphor: everything, even mud, becomes beautiful with enough attention. It’s a fitting end. Their lives, their stories, even their near-deaths—they all get polished into something gleaming through conversation.
And that’s what makes this episode so special. It’s not just a collection of ridiculous stories. It’s a meditation on how the dumbest moments often shape us the most.
And if you can laugh while telling them, maybe you’re doing okay.
LIFE LESSONS (*cough)
Definitely listen to us on this.
Don’t gun it downhill in the snow.
Even if you have 4WD—traction doesn’t care about your confidence.Always wear proper footwear in winter.
Dress shoes don’t just fail at traction—they turn you into a cartoon character.Wear your fencing mask.
Ego doesn’t protect your eyeballs. Safety gear does.Never cut toward yourself.
Box cutters are called that for a reason. Let the box suffer, not your wrist.Be careful with altar wine (and your soul).
Respect sacred spaces. Also: don’t steal wine next to Jesus.Don’t trust a bike you built yourself.
If the brakes don’t work and the handlebars come off, that’s not a bike. That’s a trap.Take your wedding ring off when landscaping.
Jewelry gets caught. Your skin gets sacrificed. Bad trade.Don’t assume calm animals stay calm.
A mother cow can go full Marvel superhero if her calf cries. Respect farm physics.Let your story setting serve the plot.
In fiction and in life, the place matters. Where it happens shapes what happens.Stay in the character’s head.
Whether writing or dealing with people—empathy gives the clearest view.Laughter heals humiliation.
Almost dying is bad. But laughing about it later? That’s gold.Even mud becomes art with patience.
The most mundane parts of your life—accidents, failures, weird jobs—can shine if you polish them right.